Thursday, 10 July 2014

Just when you think you will never get any sleep.

At the ripe old age of 21 months, my little Lily Pie slept through the night for the first time ever!

This wasn't something she managed on her own, no, Mummy and Daddy had to seek the help of a professional.

Typically Lily woke every 3 hours at night. And the only way she would settle without a fight is to have a small bottle of milk. Baring in mind she shares a bedroom with her big brother, and with the long hours Mr O does we had to take the path of least resistance when it came to her night shenanigans. I've been on the receiving end of unsolicited 'advice' from Mums who think they know it all because their lone child was sleeping through the night from a very very early age due to 'letting them scream themselves to sleep' (not my cup of tea at all but each to their own). I tried everything to get Lily to sleep. I tried night lights, tried darkness, I tried blackout blinds, I tried dream feeds, I tried less daytime naps, I tried later bed times, different sleep sacks, duvets, pillows, supper before bed, no supper before bed, tanking her up on water during the day so she wasn't thirsty at night, eliminating foods that cause tummy aches, I tried watering down her night time milk, I tried offering just water (and boy did THAT piss her off), I tried letting her whinge herself back to sleep (much to the detriment of the entire households mental well being), I tried rocking her to sleep, I tried co sleeping with her again, I tried everything. My mental health, and my marriage was suffering because I was getting a few hours of broken sleep. She would wake between 1 and 4 times a night, and she would be awake and ready to start the day at 5.30am. I felt I had to apologise to everyone around me for anything I said or did because I was so exhausted I couldn't think rationally about anything. I became obsessed with sleep and lived on the brink of tears. I planned my day around nap time, praying and hoping that today would be the day that both little ones nap at the same time so I could just get a break! I love my children more than anything in life but I was a slave to motherhood and with no sleep I would be in bed by 7.30 pm most nights just to get a few hours in before Lily woke at 9, or 11, or 1 or 3 or 5. I had no life. The thought of driving 45 minutes to visit my friends in the evening once the kids were in bed didn't thrill me because I would be falling asleep behind the wheel. True Story. And then of course we have little William's night wakings to deal with too, which thank goodness is becoming a thing of the past.

In summary. Having two little people who don't sleep for years on end = hardest thing ever.

I spoke to Rosemary at SleepSolve. She reassured me, put together a detailed sleep plan, and wished me luck!

Effectively it was controlled crying. Something I would never have considered doing before, I am a gentle parent and don't believe in letting a baby cry. However at 21 months Lily isn't a baby anymore. She's talking and able to communicate her needs to me very well.

Also I was to stop giving Lily milk in her cot. I had to teach her to settle without the comfort of her bottle.

Rosemary suggest I use one of Lilys special blankets (her Issie) and sew a dummy onto each corner, so she is able to find her dummy at all times. So I did this with gusto, and told Lily this is her special Issie, it stays in her cot underneath her pillow, and she can have it at bedtime. She was very excited about this, because William has his bedtime bear stashed under his pillow for bedtimes too, and she just loves to be like her big bro!

Lily would now have her milk on the sofa, or on mummys chair next to her cot. She would go to bed awake and fall alseep on her own. (We never had any trouble getting her to sleep, its the staying asleep we struggle with!)

Night 1 I put William to bed in my room, Lily went to bed no bother, and woke at 2.30am calling for me saying "Milk mummy!". I went in, ssshhd her, laid her down and left. This pissed her off. She did not like this. She shouted and yelled at me for an hour and a half on and off. I was supposed to go in after 5 mins, then double the wait time and go in after 10 mins, then double it again at 20 mins, but she wasn't crying for me, she was just having a sleepy whinge, and every time I went in to comfort her she just became really cross. So I sat outside her room and I sobbed whilst I listen to her ask for milk. Then she'd ask her pooh bear for milk. Then she'd ask her Mickey Mouse for milk. and I sobbed some more. Because she was being so cute. She just wanted her milk.

Night 2 Again she went to bed no bother. She woke at 3am asking for milk please mummy. I went in and made sure she had her Issie and her Pooh Bear and left the room. She became cross for about 30 seconds then went to sleep.

Night 3. SHE SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT AND HAD 12 HOURS SLEEP!!!!

It really was that easy.

That was a week ago. She has slept through the night every night since, waking occasionally still but soon settling herself.

I feel like a better Mum. I'm not as short tempered or frazzled. I'm taking back control of my life. I'm losing weight. My sense of humour has returned.

I believe Lily was ready to be shown how to sleep. I know I couldn't have done it before she was talking, this was the right time to do it. Best decision ever. And having Rosemary gave me the confidence to tackle our problems and having the sleep plan in black and white just meant we knew exactly what we were doing.

And although I had the fear of controlled crying, Lily never really 'cried' she just got cross. So I never felt as though I was potentially causing her psychological harm.

So Mummies, if you're sleep deprived, burning out daily, and struggling, you need to speak to Rosemary!

Look how cute she is




Friday, 23 May 2014

His Birthday.

Happy Birthday to my lovely husband, Mr O.


Not only can he jump freakishly high, but he has an impeccable hairline which shows no sign of disappearing, he makes the best poached eggs, and what he lacks in common sense he makes up for in personality. He lets me laugh my crazy laugh, he lets me express myself at all times without knocking me or judging me, and he supports me through life and all the hiccoughs and triumphs along the way.


I love you with all my heart and cannot believe you are 35 today!

xxx


Wednesday, 23 April 2014

Bridal Hair & Make Up ~ Zanetta

My most recent bride, the beautiful Zanetta. I was in my element here, doing hair and make up. I don't usually 'do' hair (not professionally anyway), but I couldn't refuse a bride in need of some help on the day.

Photography by Jamie at EvendimIMAGES.co.uk




Thursday, 17 April 2014

Thoughts on... Motherhood.

I survive the tantrums by ensuring I have a chilled bottle of Sauvignon Blanc ready in the fridge at all times.

It's tantrums from all angles. The three year olds famously epic tantrums have soared to dizzy new heights of epicness. And the 18 month olds tantrums are halfway as epic as her big brothers, but seem to be almost for show because she is easily distracted by a different toy, orthe  iPad. 

My life before babies was spent imagining what my life would be like avec babies. I've always been maternal and longed for my own brood but now I have my brood I spend most of my time feeling like I am barely surviving. I have that constant self doubt of 'am I teaching them to be decent and compassionate humans?' And fear my constant state of tiredness and short temperedness is making me a really bad example to them. I love my children so much my heart feels like it will explode - they're all I've ever wanted. I don't want to break them.

I spend time with other Mums who I'm in awe of as they seem so in control, I literally feel like I tread water and i will put my hands up and say that I struggle. I struggle with the constant demands from the little people, I struggle with staying patient, I struggle with finding balance. 

Being honest with myself about this means I am in a place of acceptance, I accept I am not perfect and may not always be the shining example of what a good person should be, but when I remember how I idolized my Mum and how she was the centre of my universe I realise my Littlens feel the same about me and they love me, warts and all. 

It's ok to let them entertain themselves indoors on a sunny day whilst I do house chores - I don't have to have a weekly itinerary packed with activities for them to be a good Mum. I don't have to feel guilty if they aren't dressed by 11am yet, it isn't hindering their development they don't care?! 



I feel I get so caught up in social networking, and the competitiveness of parenting that I lose my footing and my way a bit. For example, this morning I found myself googling "how to get a reluctant 3 year old to learn to count". I didn't find many hits, because at this age our main concern should be that he can use the toilet and walk and talk. Everything else he can learn through play, and this is what I lose sight of. He is 3, by the time he is 7 he will do all the things all normal 7 year olds can do so why am I concerning myself with educational learning and stressing about milestones? It's crazy. I'm crazy. I promised myself I would let my children learn in their own time, and reach milestones on their own terms, which has worked well for us so far, so why all of a sudden am I worrying about things that never used to bother me? Self doubt. 

Being at home with them 24/7 is a blessing, they're both wonderful children with beautiful a souls, the only place I'm failing is by not giving myself a break and a pat on the back. 

So for all the Mums reading this, working mums (I salute you I don't know you manage it!), stay at home Mums, single mums, here's a big pat on the back from me - you're amazing, you're beautiful, and you are doing an amazing job. Don't be so hard on yourselves and its ok to open the wine ten minutes before midday...! 

Peace and love

xx 



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