Tuesday, 18 November 2014

18 reasons my marriage could have failed, and various other hashtags.

They say that the first year of marriage is the hardest. I don't know about the first year, i'd say that most years are the hardest?? I jest. But here's an honest account of what my marriage has been like.


Having William 6 months after we got married means we had the pregnancy to focus on (reason number 1 my marriage could have failed, having offspring is bloody hard work!), and then he arrived and we moved house when he was a newborn (reason number 2, moving house with a newborn #craycray). Which we promptly started renovating (reason number 3, chopping walls back and ripping everything out #dustnightmare) against the clock because Mr O came home and announced that he had an offer of a job in Hong Kong (reason number 4 #imminentrelocation). Leaving England and friends and family with a 6 month old to live in a strange country i'd never been to (talk about trusting my husband who had fallen in love with HK on a previous work assignment). Living in temporary accommodation whilst we try and find somewhere to live (reason number 5, it costs a bomb per square inch over there, we had to rent somewhere small). Falling pregnant whilst baby number 1 was 8.5 months old (reason number 6, pregnancy makes me really poorly, not easy to put up with for anyone around me!) Dealing with parenting (and morning sickness) alone during the week whilst Mr O worked every hour god gave him (reason number 7, being a parent makes you crazy and you need help #fact) having poorly baby on a regular basis whilst being a poorly pregnant lady with a threatened miscarriage (reason number 8, like I said, parenting is hard), being faced with redundancy and another possible relocation to Singapore (reason number 9, work stress and redundancy is pretty hard going when you're providing for your family who are relying on you, and not wanting to go to Singapore!) Deciding to relocate ourselves back to the UK once Mr O had found a job, once Lily was born (reason number 10, expensive, not a decision we made lightly, and we couldn't agree on what to do for a looooong time #arguements) Selling what belongings we had in HK because we wanted to travel light (reason number 11, what a complete ballache that was). Moving out of our apartment into temporary accommodation for a few nights and then relocating back to the UK whilst suffering from mastitis, and about 87 suitcases (reason number 12, 13, and 14, you think moving house is stressful? Try relocating with all that going on, its enough to break Brangelina up surely?) Having to rent in a highrise because you can't get back into your own home for 6 months (reason number 15, living in a high rise with two kids under two #whydidwehavekids but hey at least we were in England!) A husband who had to spend every spare moment studying for important work exams (reason number 16; feeling like a single parent #wornout) Moving out of said highrise single handedly because removals firm let us down (reason number 17, that was pretty stressful #removalwankers). Having a baby that didn't sleep for longer than 3 hours until she was 21 months old (reason number 18, sleep deprivation is a killer)

In the space of 2 years, we've moved house 5 times, relocated internationally twice, and had two babies!

That is immense.

Honestly guys, marriage is hard whether you have lots going on or not. Throw all of the above into the mix and I sit in wonder that we are still together. It became pretty hairy at times. Anyone who says marriage is easy is talking out of their backside. There are lots of couples I know who seem to have the perfect marriage, I don't think for a second it really is perfect, they just aren't vocal about their downfalls. I feel that in our time together, Mr O and I really have been through a LOT of life experiences together, and that invisible thread that binds our hearts has never broken. And that makes me love him all the more, because we really are surviving marriage, and coming out the other side of all that stress, and we're working hard to spend the rest of our lives together. And that's what a marriage is.

People use social media to express their love for their spouses (vom) and they paint such a hunky dory picture of what marriage is, and for those of us who aren't having as easy a time of it can be lead to feel downhearted. So this post is for all you old marrieds who just want to hear the truth. I'd be really interested to hear if you do have one of them hunky dory marriages, do they really exist? Do tell!

Love and blowjobs,

xx

Monday, 29 September 2014

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